they make me feel included
with a message that arrives fast
with a joke that gets my timing right
with the kind of attention that makes a person forget their own caution
for a while i mistake motion for meaning
i mistake being answered for being known
i mistake a few bright days for something built to last
i mistake ease for something with a spine
then the messages start thinning
the pauses grow teeth
my name stops coming back with the same ease
and i learn how fast a friendship can turn into a place where i’m no longer expected
abandonment rarely slams a door
it arrives as a tuesday where nothing happens
then another tuesday, until the nothing has a shape you could set a place for
the silence can wear a normal face
it can keep using your first name
it can leave you standing inside the conversation long after the other person has gone
there are people who only know how to leave by becoming vague
they don’t say what changed
they don’t say they don’t have room
they don’t say they were only ever passing through
they just answer less and less until your own shame starts speaking for them
some friendships start like a door left open
then turn into a hallway you are no longer meant to walk through
somewhere behind you the room is still there
what breaks me is the amount of myself i give before i see the shape of the exit
the way i keep noticing their life
their siblings
their small problems
their bad weeks
their jokes that sound like trust
some losses don’t make a sound when they happen
they just keep the same app open on your phone
the same little dot where a reply might’ve been
the same hour of the day when you check again and feel your face go hot with it
the heavy days stack so evenly
you stop noticing the height
being easy to talk to
and hard to keep
is its own loneliness
a mind that has been left enough times
starts leaving first, in small ways, before anyone else can
then one day a friend says we should catch up sometime
in the voice they keep for people they’re already leaving
i type haha yes definitely, and watch the word sometime
settle over the whole year like dust over a chair
i hear the word acquaintance though no one says it
i’ve done that
i’ve made my voice lighter
my need quieter
my care less visible
i’ve tried becoming the version of myself that would be less work to disappear from
someone can make your life feel briefly wider
then leave you holding that wideness alone
with no place to set it down
emptiness has a weight you only learn by carrying it up the stairs each night
no one sees the load, because it looks like a person walking
there are nights when i can feel my own mind giving up on the argument
no one replied
no one asked again
no one came back
a thread with no new message
a name at the top of the list that doesn’t move
a chair pulled out in a group photo and left that way after everyone else has leaned in
i keep the thread open the way a house keeps its porch light on
for a name that found another street years ago
tonight i typed i miss you, then deleted it, then typed it again
the cursor blinks in the empty box like it’s waiting for me to be braver
i put the phone face down, it’s still lit under my hand
—lyra moon (there is a fourth key on the ring)
november 7, 2026