before you i was numb the way a hand goes numb in a long winter
and numb was a mercy i had no quarrel with
you set me by the heat and said look, still pink, still in there
i thanked you for that like it was a rescue
the feeling came back the way it does, from the edges, with needles
you sat up through the first of it and said that means it’s working
by the second month you had somewhere to be
by the third you had a new number and i was still learning to stand on it
you described the person i could be so well that i moved in
signed the lease, bought the furniture, learned the names on the other doors
then you stopped believing and the building was condemned with me inside
mail still comes for the person i was going to be, credit offers, a jury summons, i open all of it and sit with it
everything you gave me still works, that’s what i can’t forgive
the good knife, the playlist, the pen, the words for what i feel
i can describe it perfectly now and nobody left speaks it
i cried in a grocery store over the mustard you liked
a man asked if i was okay and i said allergies
we nodded
i bought the mustard
i went looking for the person you believed in, i checked the old places
the gym i joined, the apartment, the version of me who got up early
i think they left with you, i don’t remember them leaving
the one who stayed is the one you kept being so patient with
i have a list of everything i meant to tell you
it’s longer than all i said to you in two years
i read it out loud in the car to the coat on the passenger seat
the seat belt chimes the whole way, nobody buckled
they say a thawed limb can’t be frozen again
it goes black from the edges
i have been watching my edges
you gave me something to lose and then you took it, and the fear went out by the same door
the part of me you woke up is the part asking to be put back to sleep
and i would say thank you for that, like it was a rescue
—lyra moon (the number on the card in the wallet had been reassigned by then and the one who answered stayed on the line while the nurse spelled the name twice)
october 30, 2026